I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
