i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
