I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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