Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
