They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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