I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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