It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You smell like a Billy Joel song
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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