You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
