oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
