It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im having a threesome with these popsicles
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And then he peed in my hair
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