dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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