I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Randomize
