I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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