I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
