I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
