I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
