i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The ass gains better be worth it
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