one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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