I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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