I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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