my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
