I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
