Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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