he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
