Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
