The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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