why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
