are you still at the devil's house?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
