i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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