I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
