Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This house was built for laser tag.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
