i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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