Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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