So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
