Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
