I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
