You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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