Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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