i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
