I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
