I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Someone signed my nipple.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
