my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize