What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
