I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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