somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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