Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
