I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
