i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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