Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
