I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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