Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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