I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
