yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
