we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
