its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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