It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
