i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
