Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
