She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
