Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
