so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
