Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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