Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
