I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
