Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
