Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
