And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
