Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
