I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
