Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
