You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
